God Bless the Broken Road

So how did we get here?  I have come to a place recently in our little journey that has me revisiting this topic and felt to write about it as a foundation.  Bear with me, I need to start with huge life changing truths.  If it were not for these truths, there would be no foster care blog here.  

I think that we all realize at young ages that this world we live in is broken.  Since the fall of man sin, death, sickness, and tragedy plagues this life.  And it rains on the just and the unjust - sinner and saint.

This can be a difficult truth to accept as it was for me.  I saw that evil and bad things happen.  They happen to good people who love Jesus.  In light of this truth I felt as if life were a land mine, at any step a bomb could go off and leave me utterly crushed, abandoned, and devastated due to some tragedy or loss.  I could not bear the thought of losing things most precious to me, like the relationships I have with the people I love.  "God will protect them and keep them safe", that never reassured me.  Of course I know that He is able and has all power, however I could not know the mind of God or his perfect will.  I would never know when or why death comes or to who.  I marveled at others who endured great loss and proclaim - "He gives and takes away, God is good, no matter the circumstance".  It is one thing to know that, it is another to experience it.  They are truly Megaphones of Hope.

I was so caught up in losing people that I was not free to enjoy them. There have been times that the sound of my husband's heartbeat has brought me to tears, due to the the reminder of fragility of life.   If I ever found myself in deep love, the next moment was taken with anxiety of potential loss.  I was truly "seeking to save my life"  and "losing it".   That is not true joy and life.

I am so thankful for where God has brought me and the influences I have had in my life. Through godly counsel and the truth of the gospel I have found freedom to truly LIVE.  I found it by being willing to lose my life and everything in it.  In doing that - God gives me LIFE.

To be honest, this was not an easy process, I was reading books like Crazy Love by Francis Chan, Radical by David Platt.  These books focused on the gospel, it really focused on what it meant to be a disciple and to live radically for Jesus.  I continued down this long path of complete surrender of everything I felt was mine, revoking the right I felt I had to all things precious to me, giving Jesus all of my rights. The journey brought me to a place where I enjoy my earthly possessions and relationships and I am learning to hold them with open hands.  

God planted the truth of eternity in me and that changes everything, EVERYTHING.  I was so caught up in this life I had lost sight of the reality of eternity.  This gift of life and creation on this earth - it is all so lovely, but it is temporary.  It is not to be worshiped.  It is not to have glory ascribed to it (weight/importance) that should only belong to God.  I thank God for this beautiful pilgrimage, but I thank him more for the gift of sight to see and grasp eternity.  I want that for all the people I love as well.  I pray that God plants eternity into the little hearts of all of the little ones in our lives.  If we could only grasp eternity, the hurts and trails of this life, well - they grow strangely dim... 

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I have to also say this.  Jesus said himself - if you do not hate your life, you can not be my disciple, if you can't renounce all that you have you can't follow me.

 "Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple." Luke 14: 25-33


We don't hear this preached much today.  Yet we need to hear it - this is the very cost of being a disciple of our Sovereign King Jesus, why should we not consider it?  When we read the gospels I think it is completely clear why Jesus would say such a thing.  Here is Jesus, fully God and Man.  He left Heaven to take our place and bear the wrath of God that was rightly destined for us.  He does it all so that we can be with our Creator God forever.  He does it to restore what was broken, so that we can enter in once again to that Garden experience with God.  He came to rescue us.  This God-Man comes face to face with a rich young ruler who wants to follow him.  When he asked what he must do, Jesus tells him to sell everything he has (renounce everything) and the bible says the rich man walks away sad.  He leaves Jesus to hold on to his "life".  No wonder he says you have got to hate it!  He knows that if the love we have for him doesn't make the love we have for our family or even our life look like hate in comparison we won't win the war, just like the king Jesus talks about in Luke 14.  Jesus, give us ears to hear this truth. 

I was pondering how much I love one of my duvet covers recently that really helps explain this truth. One morning while getting ready for the day I just felt so thankful for my duvet cover, I was dwelling on it.  Let me tell you guys - It is awesome!!  It zips up, it ties the comforter in place just right, the comforter never loses grip.  It is just the right texture and thread count to keep me cool enough or warm enough.  It is so smooth and soft.  I LOVE this thing.  I have looked for another and cant find it :( .  I then remembered my other duvet cover I bought from Target that I thought was so awesome.  I just HAD to have it and talked my husband into ordering it.  It is pretty and gets the job done.  However this particular morning when I was thinking of how much I LOVE this new duvet cover, I thought to myself "Man, I LOVE this thing so much that I HATE my other duvet cover!"  No lie, I said that to myself and truly meant it.  The next second I thought of Luke 14 and was like woah...yep - that's what he meant!

So honestly, I do not HATE my Target duvet cover, I am still rather fond of it.  However, in comparison to my newer one, its just no comparison!  That is the type of love Jesus is asking of us.  Too often we allow this life and the people in it to cloud the reward we have in just being a child of God, just having Jesus.  He is enough.  He is truly sufficient. He made a way for us to be WITH Him one day for all of eternity and live the way He always intended for it to be.   A day where the lion will lay down with the lamb and there will be no more death, no more tears.  What else matters in comparison?  Lord - keep us from worshiping the created thing instead of you. You deserve all glory and praise forever.  

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I believe that Paul truly grasped this truth.  He is the one who said - "I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:24 

He also said: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you 16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." 2 Corinthians 4: 8-12, 16-17 

I know Paul was able to say what he said in 2 Corinthians 4 because of what he said in Acts 20. Because he counted his life as nothing, this life could not crush him!

I know what it is like to be at a place of valuing this life so much that I was never far from feeling crushed, abandoned, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed.  Now, that this life pales in comparison to the next, now that I strive to not worship this life, I feel like the trouble in this life is just "light momentary affliction".  Jesus said in this life we will have trouble, so I know that will be true.  When it comes, it may press me, perplex me, afflict me....but it will not crush me, or drive me to despair!  Let me tell you, it feels good.  It feels so good to be in this place where God is holding me.  This is his true protection, not that nothing bad will ever happen to me or those in my life.  But that COME WHAT MAY -  my life is in Him and nothing can destroy me when my life is hidden in Him. Nothing.  In Him I am renewed day by day, satisfied, and safe from utter destruction.   It is a good feeling.  I would not trade it for the world.  

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I really said all of this to say that I could not think about bringing a child into our family the way I used to be.  Parents say having a child is like having your heart run around outside of your body.  I was far too fearful.  I wanted children, but I was afraid of all of the what ifs. What I have learned as I relayed in this post has given me the courage to enter into foster care and it has everything to do with how I could cope with the loss that is involved in foster care.  

Andy and I have tried to have children for 2 years.  After a period of trying Andy became open to the idea of adoption through foster care which led us to fully embracing being "foster parents". God taught me some other lessons through the process of trying and not having a child yet but I will save that for another day.  I will just say - if we had not gone through that, we would not be preparing to be foster parents now, which I feel certain we are called to do.  So - God bless this road, that led us here.  

I am also beginning a fertility drug this week.  Pray for me.  I am not good at the in between. I have learned to really give things up to Jesus, big things.  It's the hopeful waiting I am pretty terrible at.  So I oddly became a bit fearful at the idea of "really trying" again.  I need balance, I need to know it's okay to want, desire and wait.  

The ones closest to me hear me say some of these things over and over like a broken record, because its all I got, it's all I have to offer.  I know this is life changing truth.  But I don't get to share it with everyone I love so thank you for reading.  

Here are some resources that taught me the truth of the gospel as it applies to this post. There were moments as I watched these sermons or read these books all I could do was weep at the beautiful freedom of His truth.   

Louie Giglio -  What to do when Life Hurt the Most, Anchor of Hope.
John Bevere - Driven by Eternity
Francis Chan - Crazy Love  
Francis Chan - little clip on eternity - watch it!
David Platt - Radical
JD Greer - The Gospel
My Jam - Clear the Stage

News from the Boones...

Andy and I have decided to become foster parents!   If you are receiving this then you probably already know about our decision to do so. I've decided that I would like to keep up a blog so that the people we love and those who support us will be able to stay updated.  We are excited about God growing our family in this way and really want you all to be on this journey with us.

In order to become foster parents we had to enroll and what is called GPS classes.  That stands for group preparation and selection class. This is given by the state of Alabama.  Since we live in Lee County we have been traveling to Auburn every Monday for these classes and have 4 classes behind us. There are a total of ten 3 hour classes.

Since we have started these classes we have been reviewing typical child development and how abuse and neglect leaves cracks in the foundations of development.  We have learned how to identify children's needs and strengths that will be coming into care.  We have been talking about how to meet those needs.  We have also been learning a lot about attachments.  The bond between parent and child is a strong one that we will have to respect and handle with care as we love on these children who are hurting. 

We have also completed family profile which will help our social worker learn all about us - what our strengths and needs are and which children will do well placed in our home. That was a nice 20-30 page packet at least.  It was fun to interview Andy and for me to get to brag on how a great husband he is. :)  We also submitted quite a few references.  We are assuming they may be contacting you all to check us out.  Today I worked on a fire escape plan that we are required to have charted out for the children. Check it out...

We also have lots of projects we are wanting to get done before the children come...little things around the house and requirements that have to be met.  We will have three home visits before we are licensed.  I've started an amazon wish list of all the things I want to remember to bring home for our kids that will stay with us.

Probably the project that meant the most to me so far has been writing a letter to the bio parents.  This letter is to be a communication between us and the bio parents about where their children will be staying while they work towards meeting the requirements to have their children back.  I wrote about the type of home we have, introduced them to Andy and I, and we pledged to them our commitment to love their children, never try to take their place, and to support their family being whole again.  I feel really passionate about families staying together that are able to.  I want these parents to know that.  I know that may bring up some questions for some of you.  I will write more about that another day. 

In all of this God is sovereign.  In all of the uncertainty of foster care, we can trust Him.  God has given Andy and I the ability, means, and resolve to be a "kinsman redeemer" for these children.  If it were not for our kinsman redeemer, Jesus, were would any of us be?  It's been quite a journey for us to get to this point but it feels like this is right were we were supposed to be all along.  We wouldn't have arrived to this moment without the experiences and lessons that are behind us.  I have never been much of a writer, but its really important to us that we have the support of those who love us.  For that reason we will share here on this blog.  We hope it will answer some of your questions.  We love you all.  Thank you for taking the time to read these excited and jumbled thoughts :)